How do you say goodbye?

If you're an animal person you will understand what I am about to type. If you aren't an animal person you would probably say "Well she was just a cat." From the moment we first brought Emmy Luu home she was anything but just a cat. Emmy was our first furry baby, a friend, cuddle buddy, guard kitty, protector and many more things to our family.

Emmy's 1st night home with us

Emmy was a Don Sphynx and was partially hairless so she would spend most of the time snuggled in a blanket somewhere in the house and often slept in our older daughters bed. It wasn't completely unheard of that we wouldn't always see her running throughout the house. Today I noticed I hadn't seen Emmy since the kids and I got home from NH sunday afternoon. Monday was a crazy day for us since we all came down with this nasty cough/cold so we each had doctors appointments, had to pick us up all our medications and grab a few things from target, fly home, eat, pack up the girls, get myself dressed, drop the girls off to the babysitters and I had to head into work. This is how most of our days go. I feel incredibly guilty I hadn't noticed sooner.

Emmy and I a few days after we brought her home

After I realized I hadn't seen her I tore the house apart searching every room and closet. I patted down every bed, blanket and pillow in the house. I even moved everything in the garage hoping she somehow made it out there. I couldn't find her anywhere at all. I immediately called my mother worrying the worst. She helped me calm down a little and gather my thoughts on what to do next.

Emmy looking tough in one of her little cat "shirts" I made her

I went to the computer and put out missing posts on several of the local navy wives and resale groups hoping someone in the area had seen her. My next move was to call animal control and the local animal shelters. When I got ahold of someone at animal control I was not expecting to hear that they had her. The woman there told me she had been found over the weekend. When they found her she was hypothermic and unconscious on my neighbors porch. They brought her to an emergency vet clinic where she was unresponsive. The vet made the call to put her down. I choked up and asked if they still had her there. She told me they did. I asked if I could come get her and she told me to give her half an hour.

My parents cat, Sachmo, and Emmy in her Christmas sweater

My friend Sam showed up not even five minutes later saying "We are going out to look for her. We will find her." I had to tell her the news, Emmy was gone. She took me to go get Emmy from animal control. The woman there was an absolute sweet heart and was so kind to me. I sobbed the whole time I was there. She brought her out for me and I asked her if I could open the box and see her. She opened it for me and inside I saw my precious little Emmy. She looked like she was sleeping. It didn't seem real and it still doesn't. I took her to the car with me and we headed to go pick up M from pre-k. While we drove there I called the vet on base to see if I could bring her there to be cremated. They said I could bring her in so as soon as we got Michaela we headed on base.

Both the army guy and vet tech lady on base were apologetic and very kind. The lady asked if I lost a pet and when I sobbed "Yes" she just hugged me and told me she understood. She lost a little kitten at 6 weeks old and never found her. The army guy got Emmy's information all into the computer and told me to sit down for a moment while they got it all taken care of. He apologized when he had to come over and get more information from me. I told him it was okay and he said no it isn't. He felt very bad having to ask me more. I was told in about two weeks I could come back and pick her up.

Sam spent the rest of the day with me. We drove up to Manchester with one of her kiddos and my two to pick up on of her bridesmaids dresses. It honestly helped to not have to be alone all day. Shortly after we got back she had to leave to pick up her other son and go home to get dinner started. Right before she left my other friend Jess showed up. Jess hugged me and talked to me for a while. I can't thank my friends enough for what they did for me today. I even thanked my neighbor who found her. He kept saying how sorry he was but he will never understand how truly thankful I was that his family found her. It means so much to me to be able to find her and bring her home. I don't have to wonder if she found another family or if she was hit by a car. I am glad to have closure even if its painful.

Duke and Emmy

I feel responsible. I feel guilty. I feel completely shattered and broken. I keep thinking I should have been here. I shouldn't have gone to my friends wedding. It kills me that she died the way she did. I would have rather her be old and home and know she was loved instead of cold, without us and hopefully not wondering why we weren't there to let her back in. It kills me to know she was found on our road. She was probably trying to get home.

Emmy curled up on Duke's bed

Telling M was just as difficult as hearing the news myself. I told her while we were away Emmy got outside and since it was very cold she got very sick and ended up going to heaven. M asked what heaven was like and where it was. I explained that heaven was the most beautiful place and that it was high up above the clouds. She asked how we got to heaven and I told her inside each of us was a spirit and when we pass away that spirit leaves our body and floats up to heaven. M asked "How did Emmy get to heaven if she wasn't dead." That made it hard not to cry again. I told her Emmy was dead and thats how she made it to heaven. I had been hoping not to have to say it like that. She cried and kept saying she missed her kitty. I had to reassure her, much like I've been reassuring myself, that Emmy was happy and that God was taking good care of her and that someday we would see her again.

Emmy snuggling in bed with me one morning

Emmy you were such an important piece in my life and part of the start of my relationship with Flynn. You have been there for me through so much. You helped keep me safe while Flynn was on underways. You listened to me cry and snuggled me to help comfort me. When I had bad morning sickness with both of my pregnancies you would sit in the bathroom with me and keep me company. You slept under the covers and shared my pillow with me at night. You weren't just a cat, you were my family, one of my children and the best kitty anyone could ever have.

Emmy playing Parrot with my friend little Jess

How do I say goodbye to you? How do I not blame myself? How do I not blame Flynn and his friend when they could be who let you out? How do I let all this go and just remember how much I loved you and all the memories we had? I just don't know. I know I will always miss you. I know I will think of you lying on the back of the stove whenever I cooked. Whenever I turn on the faucet I will expect to see you run over and try to drink from it. I will expect to wake up with you snuggled up next to me.

Emmy Luu you were very loved and will be forever missed <3